Are you trying to avoid anything?

Each of us has something that makes us shudder. Something that we take great effort to avoid. Do you know what that is for you? I'm not talking about spiders or snakes. Nor anything physical for that matter. I am referring to difficult things we need to embrace to further our growth and abundance. For some people it could be change (Numerology defines this as issues of Freedom and Discipline). For others it could be perfectionism (Numerology defines this as Vision and Acceptance). The thing for me is: vulnerability (Issues of Trust and Openness). This realization came to me after I was told that my heart chakra required some strengthening. Specifically, it needed to be more compassionate. 

So what does vulnerability have to do with sympathy for the suffering of others? What is the connection? In order to trust others, we need to trust ourselves. We need to open our heart and take emotional risks. And get this; we need to share feelings. Yikes! When you share your own suffering, others are able to share theirs. You begin to see that we are all going through many of the same things, thus creating compassion.

Numerology has taken me far in creating compassion but its birth place was during some self-actualizing exercise to strengthen my heart chakra. I had come across that word vulnerability. It had created such a burdensome physical response that I needed to give it some attention. As I began to write down my feelings it flowed somewhat naturally into a poem.

 This is dedicated to my sister Bev, for she now knows how this is important.

V  u  l  n  e  r  a  b  i  l  i  t  y

This word makes me quiver
This word makes me quake
Scary, scary, scary
The same as an earthquake

To avoid this seems imperative
To avoid this is my chief desire
Disturbing, disturbing, disturbing
Akin to setting yourself on fire

I keep busy to allude it
I keep busy to dupe its fate
Creepy, creepy, creepy
Resembling the opening of Hells Gate

It is a situation that I do not embrace
It is a situation that my attention I do not intend
Awful, awful, awful
Identical to the death of a dear friend

It keeps at me in relationships that are eventually evaded
It keeps at me in council and in verse
Atrocious, atrocious, atrocious
Like an evil curse

The need to deal with it resonates in my body
The need to deal with it is crystal clear
Painful, painful, painful
Comparable to manifesting my worst fear

And so, I bravely ask for help and soon after, ask for faith
And so, I begin to comprehend
“We are here! We are here! We are here!
I now follow the guidance my angels send

I am not afraid of it anymore
No more pain, no more evading, no more dread
“You are safe! You are safe! You are safe!"
Victory is in my head

I dare you to be vulnerable. I double-dog dare you!

All my love and light,

Tricia

Would you rather be lucky or good?

One more thing on luck before this month marches out.

I heard this many times, many moons ago. "I'd rather be lucky than good." It irked me. It came from a softball teammate of mine named Zeke Leo. I felt it a privilege to share a ball field with him. Zeke had skills, knowledge, crazy speed and a great attitude. Why was he spouting about being lucky? Luck had nothing to do with it.  

Luck had nothing to do with the regular 2 hour long hitting practices. Luck had nothing to do with taking ground balls in 90% Wisconsin humidity until you wanted to puke. Luck had nothing to do with the adjustments I had to make catching 80 mile an hour throws from our shortstop. Luck had nothing to do with the forethought and hard work that our manager had put into building this team. We were all competitive and hardworking athletes, what did luck have anything to do with any of it?

Why was Zeke shouting, "I'd rather be lucky than good", as he trotted out to left field? I never asked him, my respect for him on the ball field was too great.

After all this time has passed, too many moons to count, I think I get it. What Zeke was pointing out was the fact that when everyone is talented, it's the luck that sets us apart.

In softball terms, those that play have an understanding: There is no defense against base hits. In Zeke's case, being the outstanding outfielder he was, attempted to take this option away from the other team by playing short. (He was not back far enough in the field for the better hitters). By playing short he could get the force out on a base hit, maybe. I say maybe because there are too many factors that need to happen right in a row to get the out: a perfect hit, fielding it perfectly, throwing it perfectly on time and a perfect catch. Mostly, playing short would entice long ball hitters to hit it over his head. If he was lucky, really lucky, they would try. Then Zeke would get on his horse (super fast outfielder legs) and track down the fly ball hit over his head like it was a routine play. I admit, seeing him take two steps in on a number 4 batter (home run hitter) while the rest of the outfielder's took several steps back was completely unnerving. However, seeing the number four batter send a fly ball in his direction made me sign in relief. 

Oh wise and talented Zeke, what wisdom you exuberate when you make that statement. For it is a question for life it's self. When we understand that life indeed is luck, or really, the belief that the Universe will bring you luck,  we have done better for ourselves than just winning a ball game. If we allow it and trust it, the Universe will bring to us what we need. Yes, Mr. Leo, I get it now.

Would you rather be lucky or good?

Dan Millman Goes Hurling Across My Bedroom

Do you recognize your life path? Do you know your truth? Or are you like Goldilocks…
…..your waistline too big?
…..your love life too cold?
…..your job too hard?
Or perhaps you’re one of the three bears and someone has been eating your porridge, sitting in your chair and sleeping in your bed.

You are not alone.

In 2011 I was suffering from stress related health issues. I was directed to Phuong Nguyen, a Kinesiologist in Durango, CO. We had a wonderful session in which I balled my eyes out and got some well needed focus. She referred me to Dan Millman’s book The Life You Were Born To Live.  I headed directly to the book store from the appointment. It spoke to me at the start; “A guide to finding your life purpose”. Yes, I need a guide, desperately. I love a good self-help book and for only twenty five dollars I could easily afford it.

I rushed home and eagerly read the first 8 pages, skipping to page 123 once I determined my “birth number”. Filled with enthusiasm I began to read, “here to work through issues of creativity while learning to trust the wise and beautiful spirit in themselves and others.”  Yes! I am creative. Yes! I do need to learn to trust. Yes! I want to be a wise and beautiful spirit. Wow, this Millman guy really knows what he is talking about. I continue reading, “…most seek knowledge outside of themselves rather than trust their intuitive depths.” I am a seeker of knowledge, but intuitive? No. I read on “..deep down, are wise and healing spirits; they can express themselves like angels in human form once they align themselves with the higher energy and will that manifest within them.”
What a bunch of crap!
Me, intuitive? No!
Me, a healer? Most definitely not!

I hurl the book (the force was great, I’m a softball player not an angel) across my bedroom. I would have returned it to the book store except I damaged the cover when it hit the door.

This information broke my heart. I wanted to trust that book. I needed so badly to find my life’s purpose. Not knowing was making me sick. The book was going to bring great epiphanies for me. Trumpets were going to sound. Passion was going to flow. An ease in knowing who I am was going to wash over me.

And mostly....mostly…everything was going to be just right.

The book sat quietly collecting dust and cat hair. I couldn’t let $25 go to waste so I investigated friends and families birth numbers. The readings clicked with everything I knew about them.

In the ancient Scottish tale the three bears devour the trespasser. Over time, small variations are made to the story and it becomes a popular children’s story. Largely in part to the change in the ending where Goldilocks jumps out the window and her outcome is left to our imagination.

Your outcome, my outcome, is left solely to our imagination. Armed with that knowledge and a little self-examination we can become so much more. Those words from Dan Millman still seem miles away. Yet, I know they are true. They are my truth.

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